Self Portrait

This one is a little love letter to myself. I've been self-conscious of my wonky, asymmetrical features for as long as I can remember. I worry that people using my face to study anatomy are going to be cursed to paint wonky faces forever because of me! And whenever I paint a self-portrait, I go out of my way to reduce that wonkiness for two reasons: I want to feel more conventionally pretty, and I don't want people looking at my art to think I can't paint because everything is wonky!

Last week, I went to the opticians and got a surprising diagnosis of "convergence excess", where my eyes have a tendency to cross too much. It was one of the worst my doctor had ever seen. I've had it my whole life and he couldn't believe no one had caught it.

It was the straw that broke the camels back. My self-consciousness just snapped, in a good way. And I also realised how ridiculous it is that I waste my time feeling bad about one nostril being all of 1.5mm higher than the other, or having big front teeth. In that moment, I went from wanting to hide my face and it's goofiness to thinking "crossed-eyes, too? That's amazing, I'm like a Dreamworks character made flesh!".

So, I felt compelled to make a new self-portrait. One that has every little bit of goofiness I've been so ashamed of. I've never felt so loving towards this wonky face of mine. 😂❤️